Paul F. Tompkins

“Facebook... is the worst thing in the world. Why are we all still on it? What are we doing? We have the power to bring it down. I have one friend whose Facebook updates are exclusively complaining about Facebook. What is going on? What is this world that we're in?”

“You have to eat before you drink! If you remember nothing else I've said tonight, remember to eat before you drink!”

“In the line of work that I'm in, every day is Saint Patrick's Day. So I might decide, any old three o'clock in the afternoon, it's Saint Patrick's Day today!”