Time Enough for Love

“History has the relation to truth that theology has to religion — i.e., none to speak of.”

“Oh, I have strong opinions, but a thousand reasoned opinions are never equal to one case of diving in and finding out. Galileo proved that and it may be the only certainty we have.”

“I learned centuries back that there is no privacy in any society crowded enough to need IDs. A law guaranteeing privacy simply insures that bugs — microphones and lenses and so forth — are that much harder to spot.”

“Security people always spy on their bosses; they can’t help it, it’s a syndrome that goes with the job.”

“There’s no virtue in being old, it just takes a long time.”

“Human beings hardly ever learn from the experience of others. They learn — when they do, which isn't often — on their own, the hard way.”

““Then you believe in an afterlife?”“Slow up! I don’t ‘believe’ in anything. I know certain things — little things, not the Nine Billion Names of God — from experience. But I have no beliefs. Belief gets in the way of learning.”

“I spent my boyhood the way every boy does — trying to keep my elders from finding out what I was up to.”

““Common sense?”“Son, that phrase is self-contradictory. ‘Sense’ is never ‘common.’””

“Never attempt to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and annoys the pig.”

“Lazarus expressed a rhetorical and physiologically improbable wish.”

“The purpose of my government is never to do good, but simply to refrain from doing evil.”

“Progress doesn't come from early risers — progress is made by lazy men looking for easier ways to do things.”

“He enjoyed it, for every hour in school was an hour sitting down doing nothing harder than reading. Before and after school he had to do chores on his family’s farm, which he hated, as they were what was known as “honest work” — meaning hard, dirty, inefficient, and ill-paid — and also involved getting up early, which he hated even worse.”

“Do not ask why; it was no more subject to rational explanation than is any other branch of theology.”

“But David, like all true geniuses, paid only pragmatic attention to rules made by other people — he obeyed the Eleventh Commandment and never got caught.”

“Don’t ask me why. It was Navy policy and therefore did not have a reason.”

“A capsule description of most human “progress”: By the time you learn how, it’s too late.”

“May you live as long as you wish and love as long as you live.”

“Whoring is like military service, Ira — okay in the upper brackets, not so good lower down.”

“Whores perform the same function as priests, Ira, but far more thoroughly.”

“‘Put not your faith in princes,’ Ira; since they don’t produce, they always steal.”

“In the first place, very little thinking was ever done in English; it is not a language suited to logical thought. Instead, it’s an emotive lingo beautifully adapted to concealing fallacies. A rationalizing language, not a rational one.”

““I'm still learning English. By the naturalistic method the way a child learns his milk language. No grammar, no syntax, no dictionary — just listen and talk and read it. Acquire new words by context. By that method I acquired a feeling that ‘love' means the shared ecstasy that can be attained through sex. Is that right?”“Son, I hate to say this — because, if you've been reading a lot of English, I see how you reached that opinion — but you are one hundred percent wrong.””

“If there is a purpose in life more important than two people cooperating in making a baby, all the philosophers in history haven’t been able to find it.”

“Maybe Jesus was right when he said that the meek shall inherit the earth — but they inherit very small plots, about six feet by three.”

“Respect for laws is a pragmatic matter. Women know this instinctively; that’s why they are all smugglers. Men often believe — or pretend — that the “Law” is something sacred, or at least a science — an unfounded assumption very convenient to governments.”

“They did ask, sometimes, and accepted my decision without argument. But I could see that they did not always believe me. That pleased me; they were starting to think for themselves — didn’t matter if they were wrong.”

“That was encouraging; a person who can read and write and has a head for math can learn anything she needs to know.”

“He shut up, realizing that grim old Mother Nature, red of tooth and claw, invariably punished damfools who tried to ignore Her or to repeal Her ordinances; he need not interfere.”

“Every so often some idiot tries to abolish marriage. Such attempts work as well as repealing the law of gravity, making pi equal to three point zero, or moving mountains by prayer.”

“Latin is majestic, especially when you don’t understand it.”

“Half the battle with any culture is knowing its taboos.”

“Privacy is as necessary as company; you can drive a man crazy by depriving him of either.”

““She loved them,” said Minerva.“Yes, she did, dear, by the exact definition of love. Llita placed their welfare and happiness ahead of her own.””

“Llita was well above average smart but suffered from the democratic fallacy: the notion that her opinion was as good as anyone’s — while Joe suffered from the aristocratic fallacy: He accepted the notion of authority in opinion.”

“Any priest or shaman must be presumed guilty until proved innocent.”

“If it can't be expressed in figures, it is not science; it is opinion.”

“A generation which ignores history has no past — and no future.”

“History does not record anywhere at any time a religion that has any rational basis. Religion is a crutch for people not strong enough to stand up to the unknown without help. But, like dandruff, most people do have a religion and spend time and money on it and seem to derive considerable pleasure from fiddling with it.”

“It may be better to be a live jackal than a dead lion, but it is better still to be a live lion. And usually easier.”

“One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.”

“Men rarely (if ever) manage to dream up a god superior to themselves. Most gods have the manners and morals of a spoiled child.”

“A woman is not property, and husbands who think otherwise are living in a dreamworld.”

“A zygote is a gamete's way of producing more gametes. This may be the purpose of the universe.”

“Democracy is based on the assumption that a million men are wiser than one man. How's that again? I missed something.”

“Autocracy is based on the assumption that one man is wiser than a million men. Let's play that over again, too. Who decides?”

“What are the facts? Again and again and again — what are the facts? Shun wishful thinking, ignore divine revelation, forget what "the stars foretell," avoid opinion, care not what the neighbors think, never mind the unguessable "verdict of history" — what are the facts, and to how many decimal places? You pilot always into an unknown future; facts are your single clue. Get the facts!”

“God is omnipotent, omniscient, and omnibenevolent — it says so right here on the label. If you have a mind capable of believing all three of these divine attributes simultaneously, I have a wonderful bargain for you. No checks, please. Cash and in small bills.”

“The truth of a proposition has nothing to do with its credibility. And vice versa.”

“Anyone who cannot cope with mathematics is not fully human. At best he is a tolerable subhuman who has learned to wear shoes, bathe, and not make messes in the house.”

“A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.”

“Beware of altruism. It is based on self-deception, the root of all evil.”

“The most preposterous notion that H. sapiens has ever dreamed up is that the Lord God of Creation, Shaper and Ruler of all the Universes, wants the saccharine adoration of His creatures, can be swayed by their prayers, and becomes petulant if He does not receive this flattery. Yet this absurd fantasy, without a shred of evidence to bolster it, pays all the expenses of the oldest, largest, and least productive industry in all history.”

“The second most preposterous notion is that copulation is inherently sinful.”

“The shamans are forever yacking about their snake-oil "miracles." I prefer the Real McCoy — a pregnant woman.”

“Taxes are not levied for the benefit of the taxed.”

“A competent and self-confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity.”

“One man's "magic" is another man's engineering. "Supernatural" is a null word.”

“Anything worth doing is worth overdoing.”

““My mistake and it may be my last one.”“Sorry, dear. But there is always a last mistake.””

“Love is what still goes on when you are not horny.”

“Never do today what you can put off till tomorrow if tomorrow might improve the odds.”

“Sovereign ingredient for a happy marriage: Pay cash or do without. Interest charges not only eat up a household budget; awareness of debt eats up domestic felicity.”

“God split himself into a myriad parts that he might have friends. This may not be true, but it sounds good — and is no sillier than any other theology.”

“Does history record any case in which the majority was right?”

“The difference between science and the fuzzy subjects is that science requires reasoning, while those other subjects merely require scholarship.”

“Secrecy is the beginning of tyranny.”

“Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors — and miss.”

“Minimize your therbligs until it becomes automatic; this doubles your effective lifetime — and thereby gives time to enjoy butterflies and kittens and rainbows.”

“Waking a person unnecessarily should not be considered a capital crime. For a first offense, that is.”

“The correct way to punctuate a sentence that starts: “Of course it is none of my business but — ” is to place a period after the word “but.” Don’t use excessive force in supplying such a moron with a period. Cutting his throat is only a momentary pleasure and is bound to get you talked about.”

“Natural laws have no pity.”

“Freedom begins when you tell Mrs. Grundy to go fly a kite.”

“Political tags — such as royalist, communist, democrat, populist, fascist, conservative, and so forth — are never basic criteria. The human race divides politically into those who want people to be controlled and those who have no such desire. The former are idealists acting from highest motives for the greatest good of the greatest number. The latter are surly curmudgeons, suspicious and lacking in altruism. But they are more comfortable neighbors than the other sort.”

“Sin lies only in hurting others unnecessarily. All other "sins" are invented nonsense.”

“Climate is what you expect, weather is what you get.”

““I came, I saw, she conquered.” (The original Latin seems to have been garbled.)”

“The historicity of Jesus is the slipperiest question in all history because for centuries the question couldn’t be raised. They would hang you for asking — or burn you at the stake.”

“If heredity were not overwhelmingly more important than environment, you could teach calculus to a horse.”

“I see no use in written marriage contracts; they can’t be enforced...whereas if the partners want to make it work, no written instrument is necessary.”

“A man who refuses to take his own death into account in making plans is a fool. A self-centered fool who does not love anyone.”

“It is hard to shake off any taboos a child is indoctrinated with in his earliest years. Even if he learns later that they are nonsense.”

“I'll find a tutor — no, Laz, not a horizontal one. Don’t you ever think about anything else?(Come to think of it, dear, what else is worth thinking about? Money?)”

“He saw that he had committed the prime sin against survival: He had indulged in wishful thinking.”

“The best thing about the future was that it was unknown. Cassandra’s one good quality was that she was never believed.”