All Quotes by Dave Attell
“I get recognized, but I'm not really a famous famous.”
“I went to see the shuttle go up. There was nobody there; I was the only guy there. Everybody was at NASCAR. Who's your favorite astronaut? If you could only fuck one astronaut, who would it be? Mission specialist Blabadahdah? But NASCAR, now that's something different. 'Cause goin' to outer space -- that's for nerds. But driving quickly in a circle...hmm, who isn't wet?”
“Ever wrestle your dog 'til you cum?”
“Florida looks like a gigantic penis! Doesn't it? Have you ever googled it? It looks like a gigantic peener! About to shoot a load of freedom all over Cuba. A bukkake of choices and ideas.”
“That was funny, yet sad. Kind of like getting tit-fucked by a clown.”
“I never wanted to be famous.”
“What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin.”
“I have an imagination because my life is so boring that my imagination lets me get off the reality of what's going on.”
“What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin.”