All Quotes by Mort Sahl
“Professional comedians, surprisingly, have a lack of humor. They're insensitive to the insanity of our times.”
“My humor was Victorian - and still is.”
“Washington couldn't tell a lie, Nixon couldn't tell the truth, and Reagan couldn't tell the difference. (1987)”
“I was on stage last night, and I gave a medical report about Donald Trump. I said he was hospitalized for an attack of modesty.”
“Reagan won because he ran against Jimmy Carter. If he ran unopposed he would have lost.”
“A conservative is someone who believes in reform. But not now.”
“Nixon's the kind of guy that if you were drowning 50 feet off shore, he'd throw you a 30 foot rope. Then Kissinger would go on TV the next night and say that the President had met you more than half-way. (1973)”
“In the forties, to get a girl you had to be a GI or a jock. In the fifties, to get a girl you had to be Jewish. In the sixties, to get a girl you had to be black. In the seventies, to get a girl you've got to be a girl.”
“The bravest thing that men do is love women.”
“People tell me there are a lot of guys like me, which doesn't explain why I'm lonely.”
“We would have broken up except for the children. Who were the children? Well, she and I were.”
“You haven't lived until you've died in California.”
“I found people looked better when they laughed.”
“My life needs editing.”
“I used to go to two movies every week for the Saturday matinee when I was a kid.”
“My life needs editing.”
“My life needs editing.”
“I didn't think that anything is beyond humor - not profane humor, but a good, honest approach to humor.”